Death

     It has been a whole weekend since the shooting in Newtown, CT and I still can't imagine death the way I use to. I use to feel peace. I use to be able to move on after a tragedy very easily. That particular trait helped me cope with a lot of stressful situations I had as an EMT on an ambulance. When children died or when there were fatalities in a car accident, I could easily "God" them away and felt like they had fully lived enough and could move on to another world now.
     As I was finishing up my mother's Christmas present, a slide show of pictures from before she was married until now, I couldn't stop thinking about every child, youth, and adult that I have seen over the past ten years that has died. I couldn't stop wandering what happens to them and will their loved ones ever see them again? When my family members have died and will die in the future, is that it? Will I never get to hug them again? Will I never see my parents after they've passed? Not knowing use to be so easy for me. Any out of my control I could live with and I knew I would just have to move on because there was no use wasting my tears on something that I would never know the answers to. As I'm remembering my day Friday, I am trying to move past the unknowns and I have been telling myself that it will do no good to think about the many children who died and who's families may never see them again, including the shooter and his family. I am trying to suppress the feelings of sadness I feel when I think about my family and how long it has been since I've seen them and how long I would have to go before feeling peace, from death, when they die. It is overwhelming to ponder about your loved ones leaving you for a lifetime. I just wish I knew or at least didn't care what happens after death.
     I want to spend the remainder of my life with the man I love. When he passes on, will I see him again? When I die, can I have the peace in knowing that I will see him someday? No. I have to accept that six year olds die and may never see their mothers again. My husband will die, and I may never kiss him again. My mother, father, sister, brothers will all die, and I will never know if I will hug them again. I guess when people say to live every moment like it's your last, it is true advice. Marriages should be like dating, forever. Never ceasing to love in new ways. Families should find forgiveness, never forgetting that they are solely the only family they will ever have. I hope I can find peace in my life and I do wish that after death, our "souls"  are exsistant and do remember all of the things that made us human and all of those we loved along the way.

--Ashley C.

Innocence Lost

     There was so much innocence lost today. So many children, families, teachers, police officers and friends affected by such a tragedy. This morning a 20 year old boy went to a local elementary school and killed over 20 students and staff, including his own mother. There were many lives saved and spared when this boy shot and killed himself, but no innocence was spared. Kindergardeners... elementary school aged children... their innocence was not saved. They will forever remember today, as will their families. As tears stream down my face, I try to imagine if I had children how I would feel in sending my child to school. I think about all of the policies that are put in place to keep our children safe, but fail to do so. It is hard to imagine the relief I would feel to see my child walking out of their school with their eyes shut, holding onto the child in front of them. I also, with a heavy heart, try to imagine the intense grief, pain, and suffering I would feel if I did not see my child walking out with their class. I can not imagine it this way. I can barely imagine seeing my own siblings, or friend's children not coming home, not opening the presents that are already under the tree for them on Christmas. How devastating events like this are, that we fail to learn from on a personal level. How unprepared we are as a community and society that this continues to happen, over and over again. Once is bad enough, but multiple times, across the nation, in different situations, is almost too much to bear. But we must bear it, we must continue on with life as normal, bear the souls of babies on our minds.
     In a way, I have lost quite a bit of innocence today. I've lost my since of safety and peace of mind. I've lost a lot of faith in other people protecting what is mine. I wish I could do something, but there is nothing to be done. You can not bring back a life after it has ended, no matter how much medical knowledge or "faith" that you may have, you cannot bring back the children or teachers of today's massacre. It is in times like this, where prayer used to comfort me and bring me peace, but there is no peace to be found. Just sorrow. I do hope will everything I have that the families and friends that have been personally affected today will somehow find peace and understanding.

-Ashley C.

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness...

     Life... I try to live it. Liberty... I try to take advantage of it. The Pursuit of Happiness... I'm obviously pursuing it on a daily basis.
     My life has been crazy and grounded all at once as it seems to be a lot. Maybe this is the actual normal in most people's lives. I have taken on the task of starting a business with my love. While most may say this is not a good idea and even experts have commented on the fact that it should be something done cautiously, I've found that it has added a since of understanding in our relationship. It has forced us both to be more understanding and to have better communication skills. I'm not saying it has been easy, because it has been surely the opposite! And finding a happy medium between professionalism and relationshipism is still a shot in the dark sometimes. Our relationship has blossomed in such a different way than before. We listen, even if we don't admit it, and we have grown and have room to grow, as individuals and as a couple. I think we all tend to think when we work on something that we, obviously, are the hardest workers on the face of the Earth. This has been a struggle personally for my relationship, and when money is involved and hard work is being measured, I personally feel like, it is nearly impossible to convey how much you care about something or how hard you have worked and plan to work to someone who feels the same way, about themselves. I do believe that we can do this, and that we can do it gloriously! And when we are talking about crumbling or conquering... Zach and I are the conquering type. So look out world, we are now the newest small business owners! (And I get to have a business card.)


     Check out the site and maybe comment on what you think!

                                                   www.boffolessons.com


--Ashley

Love and Life

     I have been neglecting my blog nearly as much as I neglect my own journal. I guess every post doesn't have to start out that way, but I suppose I'm just trying to emphasize that I don't have as much time on my hands to post things in an intellectual setting.
     The past few months, and by few I mean about 9 months, a lot of changes have happened to my faith, my views on the world and politics, my life in general, my finances, and pretty much everything else in my life. I am not going to say that I have been naive my entire life, even if I have, but I feel like I don't give as much credit to people as I might have before. I suppose this is me becoming an adult, and not just a young adult getting use to the world, but an actual adult. I've come to realize that when before I would have accepted something at face value, because I trusted the person giving me said information, when now I question everything. And when I say everything, I mean just about everything that is said to me. Not that I find people to be liars and untrustworthy, but people are liars and untrustworthy. Especially the people who you hold dear and love very much. They may not realize that they are untrustworthy or uneducated, but they are and I have to be cautious around them, when it comes to information. I've also found that I just need to keep my life to myself, because the more people who are in my life (business) the more people there are to run my life and tell me what I should and should not be doing. This is particularly annoying, especially because I am extremely independent, and I don't want to share my life with a million people. I am just learning how to share my thoughts and actions with one person, much less tens and hundreds of people. And might I just add on how difficult it is to integrate yourself into someone else's life and incorporating them into yours. There is now not only one opinion on a major issue, but two, and not one work schedule, family life, or interests, but two sets of each of these. I may have been in relationships before and even known him for over a year now on a romantic level, but I guess I always assumed that my schedule, family, interests, and time was more prevalent, because it was me, but I'm learning how to compromise and how to be a part of a working relationship and not a power struggle. I think that, and oddly enough, the presidential election brought some of this out of me. I have seen so many strong couples fall during this time of the year because of differentiating opinions and I don't want to fit into that category  I feel that if you are a couple, you should have a strong front to the world and to others, especially in times of chaos and struggle. Politics, religion, major issues should not be things that couples should be separated on. Common ground, understanding, compromise .. this is what a relationship should be based on. I think I've always known this, but I never implemented it into my own relationships. Mostly because I am prideful, but recently I've realized how much I want this to work and I've really had a heart to heart with myself about what has to happen for it to work. Things had to change, communication most of all needed to be better. And lowering my pride and the fact that I am not perfect, and don't know everything and that it is okay to be that way has made my life so much better. Not necessarily easier, but it's becoming part of how I try to be on a daily basis. Not just thinking about myself and how what I do affects me, but about my love and how it affects him and us together. I guess time will be the only thing to tell how this works out.
     Well that is what has been going on in my head. On a separate note, Thanksgiving is less than two weeks away, and that means Black Friday is on it's way too. I get to see my Elizabeth Ann and shop all in one week! Maybe I'll remember to take some pictures of the crazy shopping going on and post them.

Ashley C.

Crumbling and Conquering at the same time...

     As go most of my posts, I generally write about some accomplishment, fears, or downfalls of my life, or just how I feel at that moment about a certain topic. My life has still continued to be a little crazy and I'm missing stability right now. Currently I am in Seattle, Washington again, freezing my butt off might I add, and I'm missing everything that has been stable for me over the past few months. Most importantly I miss Zach. He use to fill the majority of my day with laughter, happiness, and on the occasion annoyance. Not only did he bring me great joy, but he helped me grow as a thinker, a person, a woman, a girlfriend, and an independent person in general. As I'm writing this I miss him more and more and wish things weren't what they are. I feel like we did go back and forth in relationships often, but over the last few months (excluding this one) we were weirdly happy and things were going great. A lot of things led up to Zach and me not being together or talking at all and I'm not going to post it here in a public place, because lets face it, it isn't anyone business what goes on in his life and it isn't my place to make that public knowledge, so I'll leave it as I miss him and I wish things were different.
    I do get to go home and see most of my family this weekend for a couple weeks, which I am looking forward to. It feels like Christmas time and I love seeing them. Maybe it feels that way because it's so cold, but I usually don't see my family until the holidays, so this is a good treat. I'm sure I'll be feeling differently after the first few days and will be dying to get back to work, but for now I'm feeling the happiness and excitement that I usually feel before a trip to their house. And my older brother won't be there, he just got engaged, but I'll think of him and text him a lot. (I'm not sure how I feel about him being engaged right now, I think he really needs to finish school or get a career where he can take care of a family before he starts having kids, but I do love his fiance' Brittney, and it's good to add another woman to the family.)
     On top of all my mental hang ups of myself being alone most of the time, I've been battling a cold, or what I'm starting to think is bronchitis, for over a month now! I can't wait to get to my mother's doctors office and get a steroid shot or some form of antibiotic, since all the antibiotics Zach sent me have been crushed and ruined, and lets face it, I can't just ask for more. I'm also getting excited about Halloween, which is a rarity for me. I've been invited to a Halloween party up in Detroit, by a few of my Michigan friends and while I'm nervous, I'm excited to be there as well. It is so nice to work in a place where I have friends nearby, because I don't feel so alone.
     Anyway, I'm not sure exactly what this post was about. To sum everything up I suppose I can be crumbling in parts of my life while conquering the others. I was never aware that it was possible to do that, but I'm learning more about myself every day. (And trying to control the new part of myself that wants to spend every dollar I make on shoes and jackets!) Hope this was a nice post to the few of you who read my blog.

--Ashley C.

Pink, Purple, and White! OH MY!

Aunt Ashley loves her baby girl!

     Elizabeth Ann Pierce, my cousin's first baby, was born on September 6, 2012 at 8:07 PM. She weighted 7 lbs 7 oz and was 19 inches long. From the short time I saw her, she is beautiful and is going to be quite a challenge to her two, grounded and unrealistic parents. She aspirated meconium when she was born and was rushed the the NICU for a few days because of the small holes in her lungs, caused by the doctors who were trying to get her to breath after delivery. Jessica got to come home last night and was a little bit of a wreck because her baby doesn't come home until tomorrow. She will survive, and especially now that she is producing milk and can breast feed.

Mommy gets to hold her for the first time!

     This birth has opened my eyes to how true it is that you see people's true colors when they are under a lot of stress. It's also made me think about how I want to be when I have a child and how I would feel. Now there is no 100% way to tell, or to say this is exactly how it's going to be. Mainly because all pregnancies and births are different and I'm sure I act differently under stress. It's also brought up a few concerns for how I want my children to be raised and how I would chose the company that they are around as they get older.
     I want my children to know science and logic. I want them to know that we can't just make up answers because we don't understand something. There is always an explanation, even if we don't know right now, doesn't mean we can't know in the future. The grass isn't green because someone said it is or made it that way. It's green because of the chemical exchanges that go on inside the blade of grass. I don't want them to accept what people say, just because they say it. They should be able to back up everything with fact and if they don't have the fact, they should know how to find it. This is more difficult for me, because while I've always asked questions, I'm easy to accept an answer, even if it isn't backed by fact. I was raised this way and it's been hard for me to stick to my guns until I know without a shadow of a doubt that what is being said is correct. This has also made it hard to back my own opinions, especially when what I believe is just because "I feel that it is right" or "so-in-so told me, and I trust them." I've had to re-learn a lot of things and it's making my adult life difficult.
     That being said, I also want my children to know love and family. I grew up with two very large extended families and they have been the aspect of my life that has shaped me and taught me how to be an adult. I feel like I've gotten things from my aunts, uncles, and grandparents that you can't get from your parents and siblings alone. I want my children to know that people believe different ways and it doesn't make them bad or horrible, but just different. I want them to realize how to judge and how to be respectful, even if you feel like they are wrong. I want my children to know their family and where they came from so that they can know me and their father better. Even if it is hard for me to have my children exposed to beliefs that I don't follow, I want them to realize that all kinds of people can love them and can be good. It makes me sad to think that my family or my future husbands family wouldn't be involved in my life as an adult and I think that's because I grew up around family. They are important to me and have been the only ones around for my entire life. Maybe I will learn to balance everything... maybe not, only time will tell.



--Ashley

My List of One Hundred

     So I have compiled a list of 100 qualities. These are really qualities that I would find in the perfect man. Now by the end of the list, if you know me, you may be asking yourself "where was muscles... or tall, dark, and handsome?" But I have decided when I started this list that only the most important things I could think of would go here and truly, muscles and brawn are not most important to me when I think about a lifetime partner. These are...

   1.       Responsible

   2.       Respectful

   3.       Loving

   4.       Kind

   5.       Funny

   6.       Protective

   7.       Confident

   8.       Caring

   9.       Intelligent

  10.   Chivalrous

  11.   Polite

  12.   Passionate

  13.   Successful

  14.   Masculine

  15.   Fearless

  16.   Attractive

  17.   Witty

  18.   Sarcastic

  19.   Adventurous

  20.   Good Communication Skills

  21.   Happy

  22.   Positive

  23.   Cheesy

  24.   Wants to be a husband

  25.   Wants to be a father

  26.   Provider

  27.   Romantic

  28.   Family oriented

  29.   My family loves him

  30.   My friends love him

  31.   Good with a budget

  32.   Has character

  33.   Brings out the best in me

  34.   Exciting

  35.   Friendly

  36.   Laid back

  37.   Has common sense

  38.   Can be “the boss”

  39.   Good cook

  40.   Clean

  41.   Enjoys my family

  42.   Creative

  43.   Strong (Emotionally/Physically)

  44.   Taller than me

  45.   Good kisser

  46.   Eloquent speaker

  47.   Respects himself

  48.   Knowledgeable

  49.   Good hygiene

  50.   Hard worker

  51.   Sweet

  52.   Playful

  53.   Appropriate

  54.   Outspoken

  55.   Open

  56.   Sexy

  57.   Sensual

  58.   Intellectual

  59.   Sensitive

  60.   Understanding

  61.   Competitive

  62.   Creative

  63.   Honest

  64.   Trustworthy

  65.   Keeps me honest

  66.   Realistic

  67.   Challenges me

  68.   Non-judgmental

  69.   Grateful

  70.   Handsome

  71.   Smells good

  72.   Tech savvy

  73.   Supportive

  74.   Loves dogs

  75.   Someone I can share everything with

  76.   Can make me smile in any situation

  77.   Open minded

  78.   Good listener

  79.   Playful

  80.   Committed

  81.   Courageous

  82.   Fearless

  83.   Honorable

  84.   Grounded

  85.   Optimistic

  86.   Forgiving

  87.   Good discernment

  88.   Appreciative

  89.   Hard-working (not the same as a hard worker)

  90.   Spontaneous

  91.   Sincere

  92.   Patient

  93.   Hospitable

  94.   Emotionally stable

  95.   Driven

  96.   Adaptable

  97.   Loyal

  98.   Considerate

  99.   Holds my hand anywhere

  100.  RICH!!! (In mind/soul/character of course)

Well that took forever to come up with.. but I think it made me really focus on what I want and  who I want to be with, and let me tell you... I am so happy right now with that decision!

-Ashley Clarke

7 Years

     On the gulf coast, all you have to say is Katrina, and citizens know exactly what you're talking about. I lived through it and it's a little ironic that on the same day, today, another hurricane comes through to leave a memory of what we went through seven years ago. I have been sitting in my hotel room today broken hearted, remembering all of the struggles we went through as a community and all that was lost. I am also remembering a point in my life where my faith led me and gave me hope. Sad is the only word I can think of to describe how I am feeling. Katrina was the start to many things in my life. It was the year I got my first job, the year I learned that compassion was something that not everyone had, but many did. It was the year I fell in love for the first time and the year I learned that you can lose everything and still have all that is important to you. There were so many things I learned as a life lesson that year and that I still carry with me today. It stirs many memories in me and brings tears to my eyes as I think about the past. My dear friends and family went through so much then and this hurricane brings all of those emotions flooding right back to me. Sometimes I wish there was no heartache or pain. I wish we didn't have to live through such tragedy. But then I realize that so many wonderful things came from that. My maturity, my apparent view on human life and the reality of how people act in stressful situations. For all the sorrow and hurt that it brings me to think back and wonder "what if" I can't do anything  but remember and learn from it. I do hope that all of those who are living back home where I grew up are safe and have comfort through this remembrance process and know what to do if for some chance of chaos the same situations presents itself. I love and miss my home town.

After Hurricane Katrina 

-Ashley Clarke

An End to a Beautiful Beginning

Tulalip Bay, WA

     This is my last day working in Grand Rapids, MI. Yes, I realize the last time I posted I was in Seattle, WA and in between there I was in Sacramento and Stockton, CA. My life has been on the fast track of busy and stressful all at once. It has all been such a joy and continues to be as I end the last day of my first business endeavor. I have found that I enjoy my job and I've also realized it is expensive and I need to work on my budget or it won't matter that this job pays  more than my previous because I will have it all spent before I get a chance to save any of it.

Sacramento, CA

     I have also re-kindled a love with Zach. At one point I wasn't sure it was possible, but I can't imagine my day without him in it. As sporadic and crazy as it sounds he just makes me smile and I love him. I think we have both grown as people and as a couple in the last few weeks as well. He challenges me on a daily basis, and shows me unconditional love, even if he is under pressure or stress.

Detroit, MI

     In the last week, possibly two, I've been realizing how much of my trust and love for others has been done naively. I did not realize the grotesque amount of discrimination there is in our country. Namely religious discrimination and hatefulness. For a country that was built on religious ground, it was built for others to worship a way they chose; it has turned into "it's fine if you worship, just as long as you worship." Those who chose not to be religious, spiritual, or even believe in a God are punished through emotional judgement and hate. Isn't it the same principle? Can't we all join hands in saying, "everyone has the right to chose"? Weather this includes religion, sexual preference, how to raise their children, etc. As long as it is safe and doesn't harm others or themselves, we should not be concerned with others beliefs and more of their character and attitude. I hope that I can teach my children this when and if I have them. I want them to know that people are imperfect and not always what we expect them to be. We have two options; we can accept them and forgive them of their flaws, or we can exclude them from our lives. There is no need for hateful actions toward them. It does no good to hurt others with words/emotional threats. (Of course I am not talking about illegal actions or life threatening situations)



-Ashley Clarke

The Pages are Turning in My Crazy Book of Life

About to land in Seattle!

     Well a lot has happened over the last month and a half that I have not updated this blog of my life. I no longer work with the same company as I had before, and I've discovered the "blessing" of becoming a personal contractor. I have become a promoter! I absolutely love it, I mean as much as I can love it for being a week in. I've already added Seattle, WA as a place to my list of places I've been and enjoyed. The weather is gorgeous here and the people are pretty nice as well. My so called southern accent doesn't exactly know what to do with itself. I've got a mixture of Louisiana, Washington, and Colorado (from some family that I've been staying with) and my voice sounds so funny after a day of promoting. Basically I distribute coupons for various events. (Think circus and ice performances)

Fishing with my dad before I left for WA.

     I am learning about how friendships and relationships with people stick more through traveling. Those that I really care about and spend most of my time talking to are not necessarily the people that I spent the majority of my time with when I wasn't away from home. Not that I really have a place to call home at this point. I've left my apartment, packed up all of my things, and I've decided to just visit family and friends for a while when I'm not working and to store the rest of my stuff. It makes it easier that I work for a month at a time and I'm off for a few weeks. Gives me time to travel, see my mom and grandparents, be around for my cousin's first baby when she needs me, without having to worry about an 8 hour shift before or afterwards. I will keep some updates going and I'll be a little more persistent in writing here!


-Ashley

Get Moving: A Blog Post About Meeting Goals

     I set a goal in January to be more active. It is now half way through the year and I have come to the agreement that I have fulfilled this goal. I am now going out with friends a lot more and moving my body more consistently than I had been previously. I have also enrolled in a gym membership, which has been rarely used thus far, and have been swimming more frequently as the weather gets warmer. Now being more active does not a healthy body make, but it can help. So my next goal for the second half of the year, or less if it doesn't take that long, is to have a regular schedule for "working out". Not only having a schedule, but sticking to it. After I have this mastered for a few weeks then I will work on actively focusing on my nutrition to go along with working out and being more active. I am actually a little proud of myself. Now with being more active I haven't seen a change in the scale, but that could be because the more I go out, the more calories I consume, but I will be working on that too. I really could use some silent support too, Just to know that people support what I'm doing is good enough for me. I don't really need anyone to push me a certain direction, but it is always good to know that I have the support of good friends who care.

-- Ashley

D-Day A Day Behind

     June 6, 2012... A day that would have been remembered my entire life if sixteen year old Me's dreams came true. June 6, 1944... An actual day that is remembered throughout the world.

     I want to fill everyone in on what my plans were as a young adult for this day. I would be wearing a beautiful white dress with my hair in loose curls down my back and a gorgeous bouquet of flowers overflowing. Walking down the most beautiful aisle towards the man of my dreams. Or, who I thought was the man of my dreams. Yep, a couple of years ago if you would have asked me what I would have done yesterday, I would have told you I was getting married. This isn't something I normally think about anymore or even discuss with most people, even my relatives, but yesterday I couldn't get it off my mind. I would be a married woman today if he would have been the man I needed and knew he could be. Now every once in a while I'll mention my ex, and we did spend a lot of time together. He had my childhood, my young adulthood, if you will. I gave nearly five years of my life to this man and he gave me his as well. I didn't know anyone but him and his love. I learned a lot about life through his eyes and I'm sure he learned a lot about how to be an adult through mine. When we decided to end things I made a commitment not to waste my time looking back and wishing things had gone a different way, I promised I wouldn't regret the decision that I made. And quite honestly I don't regret the things that I did and I don't look back and wish they would have gone differently. I believe that the person I am today has been made from the person I was then and the decisions I have made. I do however like to think back and see how things were going and where I would be right now if we had made different choices in our relationship. I would be a married woman right now and who knows if I would be happy or not, I'm sure I would be. I think about the horrible things that happened throughout world war II and the destruction that was caused and the enormous amount of hope D-Day brought to many who were captives. I wanted that hope for our relationship and I wanted that sigh of relief that I know should never come when you are looking to be married. It should not be a relationship on edge and relief should not be a word used when talking about how you feel after you are finally married. Now I am not going to pretend that all of our relationship was great or that it was all awful, but it was a critical part of my life and I will always remember what came of it. This post is in remembrance of those who have fallen in war and those who have fallen in love.


--Ashley

My Great Friends are Amazing!

     So I have realized that I have been blessed with some pretty good friends in my life. Even if I don't stay in one place and can't see them very often, my friends are always there and really great to me. Last night I was stuck at a bar with my roommate sitting in cigarette smoke and sick. She was really having a great time with her friends and did not want to bring me home, so I sent a message to Larry who came and picked me up no questions asked. Now it isn't so bad to just pick someone up from a public place, but I live about 25 to 30 minutes away from his house and he drove me home and didn't ask for one thing back. This morning, I slept through my alarm and a friend that I work with came by my house just to make sure I was up and ready for work. She is a lifesaver! Without Khristy I would be losing my job due to absences! I am so grateful for my friends and their amazing sweet hearts! I will be living a more giving life today because I have been inspired by their great spirits!

(Time to get better now!)

--Ashley

Halfway To Halloween!! (well.. yesterday)

     Yesterday was halfway to Halloween (May 31st) and I went to a costume party at a local bar with the girls. (Khristy and Stephany) And we all actually dressed up. Stephany was the devil in a blue dress and Khristy was also a devil in a red dress with leather thigh high boots!! Yes she got a lot of shots from randoms. I wore all black with cat ears and a necklace tag. It was really fun to go dancing and spend time with my close friends. I also got to meet a couple of young men last night that made me feel like people are actually interested in me and I'm not always "the other friend." I just like the attention, and sometimes I feel like that is a down point for me, but it was all in fun. I wouldn't marry any of them, but it's nice to get the attention, especially because I've been single and miss having the companionship of some one's company. Well hopefully I can meet someone who is actually interested in a relationship and not just my company.

-- Ashley

Decoration Day

     Every last monday in May is a day that the United States of America celebrates as Memorial Day, historically called Decoration Day. This is when the graves of fallen soldiers were decorated and visited. It was a day after the civil war created to honor all of our citizens who have died in serving our military and we continue to honor them with this national holiday. I wanted to dedicate my post today to all of our military personal who have fallen in battle and for those who have been injured for my freedoms, limited as they may be recently. I am so grateful to all of these amazing men and women who have chosen to put their lives on hold and provide for themselves and their families by taking care of me and my family. To all of those men and women, I hope you all realize how amazing you are and what good hearts you have. Thank you.

--Ashley

Introductions

     I love introductions. Sometimes they're witty and quick, other times they are informational and business like, but they are always informative and helpful when you are learning someone new. It's also a way to see how someone views themselves, even if you've known them your entire life. Introductions are usually not enough though, when I hear my sister introduce herself or my best friend I always feel that they have not given themselves enough credit for how amazing they are! Well I figured that I should do an introduction, because five months ago since I introduced myself to this blog was a while away and as I read more blogs, I have come to realize I join in the middle of their story and don't even know their names. These strangers that I have come to have love for, I don't know their names or what they do, nothing personal about them, just who they are and how they think. While I find the mystery wonderful and somewhat peaceful I would sometimes like to view their first posts and see how differently they were in the beginning and how they introduced themselves to the blogging world. So here goes nothing.

     My name is Ashley and I am a fun filled positive young woman. (Or so I like to think) I am twenty two years old and currently not enrolled in school for the semester, but for all intensive purposes, I am a nursing student in southern Louisiana. I work at a major cell phone company taking calls all day and helping customers with their phones and bills. I have a roommate with whom I live in an apartment that I love. I have an older brother, a younger sister, and a younger brother. (In that order) and two parents who I love dearly. I grew up in the New Orleans area and miss the live music that I could hear so often that I don't get to hear now. I still live in southern Louisiana, but more Cajun town than jazz and blues now. Music doesn't rule my life, but it has affected the mellow personality that I tend to have. I am currently finding myself in religion and my relationship with a God that may be there a little difficult, but still exsists. My life has not been what I would consider rough, but rewarding. I've always had to work for the things that I have and will have and that has made me a more realistic person, even though my mother does say I have campaign tastes with a water hose budget. I like to smile and be happy, I also like to help others and try to be as supportive as I possibly can with my friends and family. I tend to allow other people's feelings affect me and I take on their burdens as well as their joys. Sometimes it can be a bad thing, but I try not to focus on the negative things. I am looking forward to my future and the way that things will be so much sometimes I forget to live in the now and focus on what I am doing and how things are working out. I also tend to indulge a little too much and need to work on that more so as I'm getting older because I need to be healthier and happier.

     That's me and as honest as I can be. I could most likely write a book on who I am and how I act, but what would be the point of a blog if I did that? Well I hope you all enjoyed my introduction and I will be around to write about something new at a different time.

--Ashley

Transformations all around!

     Well a new gym membership was signed up for this past Sunday before bringing Stephany to get her tattoo re-done for her early birthday present! (Aren't I such a good roommate) And hopefully we can transform ourselves as well as her tattoo was transformed into a brighter better figure of itself. I just want to be healthy and active. This isn't so hard with someone else and with a set schedule. We have already decided that EVERY Sunday, Tuesday, and Wednesday we will be working out for at least an hour each session. Now I have a feeling we will be switching our Sunday's to Monday's, but as long as it's three times a week I'll be happy, and for $10 a month you really can't beat it. She gets her unlimited tanning and we both get unlimited gym use with a personal trainer if we need one. I'm excited to be moving again. Almost as excited as I am about the new yoga pants I got for $3!!! (And no I will not post pictures of my butt Jon) But I am happy to be actively working towards a happier healthier me. Maybe I will be all slim and trim for my trip to Europe next summer.

--Ashley

Girls Night Out turned into Guys Night Drama

     Well last night we went to a club/bar/dancehall whatever here in town and it was pretty fun to start the night out. I have a girl friend of mine who has been wanting to meet a guy friend of mine for a while and he actually really likes her. Well there was a bit of drama between this two guy one girl triangle going on silently and ended in tears and french fries. Oh no, they didn't end up apart, but I have mixed feelings on it. I'm very concerned that my guy friend is going to be hurt in the end and that my girl friend is going to end up with a jerk. (The jerk is the third guy she has been talking with on the side) I know this all seems a little confusing and filled with drama, and believe me it is, I just don't want to put their details on the web if they don't know I'm writing about them. But for a night that started out so fun and towards the middle was so awful, I did have a good time and I enjoyed not being in my room staring at the ceiling wondering about my future or why I feel so alone.

--Ashley

I Am Me!

Well I've decided that being me is all I'm really good at lately. I don't always like it, but it is what it is. I want to be me to the fullest and I'm having an okay time being me so far in my life. Just wanted to update everyone and try to put a smile on my face today. Today is for me. I think sometimes it always has been about me, I can be quiet the selfish one at times but sometimes it is needed. I colored my hair, and I'll post pictures, while the lighting doesn't show it's full red potential it is not a bad picture. In the sun it looks like it's on fire and at the office it has a subtle hue of red, but mostly brown. The perfect auburn. Anyway, enough of an update. I hope to be writing more often, just trying to get myself out of a funk. Hopefully a girls night out will help with that!

Positive.. Negative... Should it Matter?

     I am going to stop analyzing others decisions. The more I worry about someone else's choices the less time I have to focus on bettering myself. I don't want to live a life of wandering why he did this or why she said that... It's exhausting. I shouldn't care if people like me or why someone has treated me with less respect than I think I deserve. I should care about how much I like myself and how much respect I have for myself. I should be focusing on the positive things in my life and responding to positive people in my life. This may help build moral and boost my self worth.
     Time goes on, people make mistakes, forgiveness is an option, and I will survive all of life's curve balls.


Love -- Ashley

Happily Confused

     So there has been good news, bad news, and crazy news in my life just within the past week alone. I want things to be perfect, I want my life to fall into place like it seems to do for most people. I know that isn't very realistic, but that's what I want. I want to be happy when I wake up in the morning and peaceful when I fall asleep at night. I want to be able to sleep for more than three hours at a time. Maybe I'm being selfish, but there are so many things that I want from life that I am not currently getting. Oh and by the way, I don't want to have to work so hard for them. I feel like I'm getting to a place of peace, happiness, and security, but I'm confused about the journey. I guess I'll just have to hold on for the ride and hope that it all goes somewhere that I can be proud about.

--Ashley

Love, Blood, and Salt

     Saying you're going to "start fresh" with relationships is like saying putting salt in an open cut is going to allow you to use your injured (limb) like brand new. There's a big gaping hole where your love use to come from and healing is the first part. The salt is all the memories and things you miss about that person causing the intense pain and suffering. But the salt is necessary to heal. Things would not get better faster without the salt, you would bleed out and become infected and bitter. I'm accepting the salt with gritted teeth and hoping that there won't be too bad of a scar.

    Here's to moving on and "starting fresh"... as much as possible that is.

--Ashley

Goodness Good

     This Friday hasn't been very good for me as far as Good Friday's go. I have been at work and catching the posts on facebook of crawfish boils and egg dying gatherings that I'm missing out on. I wish I could be someone else somewhere else right now. My life has felt up in smoke for nearly a month now and I can't even bring myself to reflect on it or write about it at this time. I surely hope things pick up soon, there isn't much farther to fall at this point.

--Ashley

UGH!

     Well I haven't posted in a while. I'm missing my blog, but I'm also trying to catch up with life. I've been dealing with illness, debt, working, and mechanics. Too much going on to write in detail, but I hope to update soon.

-Ashley

Weddings, Pools, and Family Gatherings

     It has been quite a busy weekend if I do say so myself. My Mom, Dad, little sister, and little brother came into town around midnight this past Friday and left earlier this morning. My father's youngest sister got married on Saturday evening and this is the reason for their visit. It was a beautiful wedding and a great time I got to see my family who I miss so much. Here is a picture of my mother, Stacy, my sister, Desiree, and me.



     After the wedding we all came home and slept all over my small apartment, fought over the shower, and had a lot of laughs. Sunday seemed to be pretty busy, we woke up at an average time and found a flat tire awaiting us. After getting that fixed and picking up my older brother from his apartment we drove to my aunt, Donna, and her husband, Chad's home where they had a feast waiting for us and the rest of our large family. After being stuffed with traditional Cajun foods of rice, gravy, white beans, and mustard green egg rolls we came home and jumped in the pool at my apartment complex. We swam for hours and enjoyed the beautiful sunshine that southern Louisiana has to offer. Then came home and passed out until dinner time. I got to enjoy a wonderful dinner with my entire family and roommate at Chili's to celebrate my mom's birthday on Wednesday.

     Zach has been really great about this weekend. I tried to steal a few minutes away to talk to him and spend a few moments with him. I have missed him terribly the last couple of days because we normally talk regularly and he has been so wonderful about me spending as much time as possible with my relatives.

     Family is so important to me. Being a young child and moving so frequently, family is the only thing that has been a constant in my life and it feels so good to see them. I may only get to see them face to face a few times a year, but I will cherish these memories forever. I also can't wait to start a family of my own to see constantly and hold just as dear to my heart.

-Ashley

Vert, Verde, Verda, Glas... Green

     Happy St. Patrick's Day! While most people wear green today and hand out a lot of pinches to those who have forgotten or don't care it actually does have some meaning and purpose. St. Patrick is the patron saint of Ireland and today is actually the only day during lent where restrictions are lifted and church members are expected to drink and eat without restriction. It's also the most popularly celebrated saint's day (Other than the Superbowl) that is celebrated world wide. Another cool fact is that originally everyone would wear blue and not green, but with the use of clovers and ribbons green became a more and more pronounced color for the season.

     Feast hard and Go Green! 

-Ashley

Blog Life

     I just got finished reading a blog that I follow and I have not felt so moved in my life by someone else's selflessness or charity. This family has three natural born children and if I'm correct five adopted children from Russia, China, and Africa. Just from the goodness of their hearts. Not because they are going to receive government funding or because they want something, but because these children needed homes and love. I am not sure that I could give that kind of love. I mean of course I could provide a home to someone and all the care and love that I could, but to love another child who has partially grown up alone and love them the way I would my own child would be something so different I wouldn't know how to react.
     Generally I want to show this type of love and selflessness to everyone and to continue to grow in my own life to be the type of person that a young girl will one day blog about and be in awe about. My heart goes out to this family that I've never met before and just so happened to stumble upon.

-Ashley

Growing Up

     Being an adult is never fun or easy. I'm learning to miss being a kid, but looking forward to being more responsible. I think this is something I have struggled with my entire life. Wanting to be independent but not wanting the responsibilities that come along with that Independence. Working full time, being in school, and balancing the lifestyle of a young college kid and relationships is difficult. It isn't as easy as it may be on paper.
      Growing up is a sticky kind of situation and I've not done an awful job so far. I like the nice things that I have and the great people that I surround myself with. But it is hard and it's not always enjoyable. I do know that it won't always be enjoyable and there are struggles, and it is good to know that my life is as enjoyable and easy as possible. I try to think of ways to make others suffer less and this usually brings me great joy. It lifts my spirits and reminds me that there are worse things that could be happening in my life.
     I have currently taken up the act of donating my plasma to a local bank here in Louisiana, twice a week. Donating plasma has great health benefits and makes me feel good about myself, I guess. I recently decided to start donating plasma/blood because of the great need for it in the United States. Plasma is more renewable than red blood cells and saves just as many lives. I can only hope to possibly save someone in need or on the brink of death.


     Here goes, sticky, yucky, adulthood.

-Ashley

Domesticated

     I want to start baking fresh bread. I've realized that I spend a lot of money on foods that are full of preservatives and things that can't be good for me. So if I can buy locally and fresh or even make it, then I probably should. This will be better for my overall heath and wellness and can't be too bad for my domestic skills either. Plus I've read in a lot of different places, that it's more healthy to make your food than to just throw it in the oven and eat mindlessly.
     So my next grocery list will be a little bit longer with more raw materials and less frozen this or boxed that. Maybe I'll take a hand at making my own tomato sauces too... Oh no, the things I can cook now. Look out dishwasher, because domesticated or not, I still love my on button. I'll keep everyone updated on my new adventures in baking and cooking from scratch.

--Ashley

Terrorism in Africa

     So I'm sure you have all started to see the YouTube post for Kony 2012 and may have even looked over them or not thought that this was important. If that was you, I can fully understand the roll of your eyes and the thought that this is "just another Facebook trend" to look over. I can grantee that this is not something you want to look over.

     I remember in junior high learning about Adolf Hitler and thinking, "How could human beings allow this to happen for so long?" and "Why didn't they do anything about this?" I also remember thinking "If this ever happened in my life time, I would do something... anything, to stop this from happening to anyone else." Well world, this is happening and it has been happening for a long time apparently. I am sure that Kony is not the only evil man in the world hurting children or killing people, but he is on the top of the list at this time. Over 30,000 children have been abducted and forced to kill others and become sex slaves. This is serious and it is up to us a people to show humanity to ask, "When is this going to stop?" We are the only ones who can stop this. And I plan on being a part of this movement. I choose Kony 2012. And so should you.

--Ashley

Joseph Kony
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4MnpzG5Sqc
kony2012.com