Suspension

     Sometimes it feels like my life is suspended in front of me. That is especially how my life feels today. When I say today, I mean at least the last month. I know that at times I feel terribly wonderful and at times I feel terribly down, especially in the last few years. I guess that can be characterized as mood swings or it could be that life is just coming at me in waves and my emotions get the better of me in most situations. Either way, it seems as if my life is just going. With or without me it seems to be moving monotonously in one direction. Working and not working are my two main objectives. I'm not saying I don't have goals or things planned, but I've had the issue of not knowing what my long term goals are for quite a while. I don't know where I'll be in five years or what my career will entail in that time. I don't know if I'll have a family or if I'll be alone. I don't know if I'll finish school or become healthy. I do know that I have goals and wants for my future, I just wish they were a bit clearer. I want my life to be moving at a steady pace, moving forward, towards greater happiness. Not in this weird state where I'm not crumbling downward, I'm not conquering much, and I'm just stagnant. It may not seem that way. I have a great job, I get to travel the country and see the world on my own time. I have a wonderful boyfriend, who supports me and tries to  nurture my sensitivities. My family is closer than most and I get to see them more frequently than a lot of other people and their families. While all of these things are true, I feel that on an intellectual level I'm not moving. I feel like on a level of careers I'm not moving. I feel like on a level of emotionalism, I don't feel as secure as I would like to. I'm not writing this for answers, but for a clearer understanding on my part. I'm hoping that all of my faults and insecurities can be resolved and soon. I didn't start this blog so that I could be standing in suspension and to record those moments. I started to write about my success stories and my failed attempts at success....