Crumbling and Conquering at the same time...

     As go most of my posts, I generally write about some accomplishment, fears, or downfalls of my life, or just how I feel at that moment about a certain topic. My life has still continued to be a little crazy and I'm missing stability right now. Currently I am in Seattle, Washington again, freezing my butt off might I add, and I'm missing everything that has been stable for me over the past few months. Most importantly I miss Zach. He use to fill the majority of my day with laughter, happiness, and on the occasion annoyance. Not only did he bring me great joy, but he helped me grow as a thinker, a person, a woman, a girlfriend, and an independent person in general. As I'm writing this I miss him more and more and wish things weren't what they are. I feel like we did go back and forth in relationships often, but over the last few months (excluding this one) we were weirdly happy and things were going great. A lot of things led up to Zach and me not being together or talking at all and I'm not going to post it here in a public place, because lets face it, it isn't anyone business what goes on in his life and it isn't my place to make that public knowledge, so I'll leave it as I miss him and I wish things were different.
    I do get to go home and see most of my family this weekend for a couple weeks, which I am looking forward to. It feels like Christmas time and I love seeing them. Maybe it feels that way because it's so cold, but I usually don't see my family until the holidays, so this is a good treat. I'm sure I'll be feeling differently after the first few days and will be dying to get back to work, but for now I'm feeling the happiness and excitement that I usually feel before a trip to their house. And my older brother won't be there, he just got engaged, but I'll think of him and text him a lot. (I'm not sure how I feel about him being engaged right now, I think he really needs to finish school or get a career where he can take care of a family before he starts having kids, but I do love his fiance' Brittney, and it's good to add another woman to the family.)
     On top of all my mental hang ups of myself being alone most of the time, I've been battling a cold, or what I'm starting to think is bronchitis, for over a month now! I can't wait to get to my mother's doctors office and get a steroid shot or some form of antibiotic, since all the antibiotics Zach sent me have been crushed and ruined, and lets face it, I can't just ask for more. I'm also getting excited about Halloween, which is a rarity for me. I've been invited to a Halloween party up in Detroit, by a few of my Michigan friends and while I'm nervous, I'm excited to be there as well. It is so nice to work in a place where I have friends nearby, because I don't feel so alone.
     Anyway, I'm not sure exactly what this post was about. To sum everything up I suppose I can be crumbling in parts of my life while conquering the others. I was never aware that it was possible to do that, but I'm learning more about myself every day. (And trying to control the new part of myself that wants to spend every dollar I make on shoes and jackets!) Hope this was a nice post to the few of you who read my blog.

--Ashley C.